#this is probably a horrible poem

[cherriesforjjong]

what if I fell in love

with a prince charming,

or a knight in shining armor?

but that'll never work out,

because how could I be his happy ever after,

or his damsel in distress

when I can't even handle myself,

deal with myself

or love myself?

[varian-ross-horror-author]

Chronic pain really fucks with your pain scale, huh.

I'm close to tears because of sudden tooth pain, and at the same time I'm like "not as bad as Hell Migraine."

Going to walk into my dentist (hopefully) on Monday like "it hurts sofucking band but no idea where on the pain scale it is. Please make it stop but also I've had pain *way* worse than this."

[aliusfrater]

sorry about the scribbles but the tollund man by seamus heaney is such a samish poem to me

[chaotic-history]

'Candide isn't an intellectually honest argument against Leibnitz!!' Was it supposed to be?

[tortademaracuya]

listening to the entirety of flowers of evil by ruth white is definitely. An experience

[inseobts]

Truth or Dare Chaos

one piece surprise character x fem!reader

everyone decide to play a truth or dare game to end the celebration in a good mood, but if someone uses the chance to actually confess to you?

words count: 2.2k

tags: post-wano celebration, humor, fluff, unexpected confession

masterlist || ko-fi

The Wano celebration is in full swing, a festival of victory and relief. Lanterns glow in the night sky, laughter echoes through the streets, and sake flows like a river. After years of struggle, the alliance between the Straw Hats, Heart Pirates, Kid Pirates, and even the samurai, finally freed them.

But while the streets are alive with music and dancing, a much rowdier event unfolds inside one of the large banquet halls.

“Truth or dare!” Luffy declares, slamming a cup onto the floor with a grin.

You blink “Seriously?”

“Seriously!” Usopp chimes in, waving his hands “Come on, y/n, we just saved the world! Time for some real challenges!”

Zoro scoffs from his seat, already drinking “This is dumb.”

“Oh?” Nami smirks “Too scared, swordsman?”

Zoro’s eye twitches “Tch. Fine, whatever.”

Kid folds his arms, eyeing the growing group with suspicion “This is a waste of time”

“Sounds like someone’s scared” Law mutters, sipping his drink.

Kid glares “Shut the hell up, Trafalgar!”

Soon, the game is in full swing, pirates of all kinds gathered in a messy circle, some sitting on the floor, others lounging on cushions. The sake-fueled dares begin lightheartedly—Franky dances in his underwear, Usopp has to mimic Kaido’s laugh (horribly), and Robin sweetly forces Brook to write a love poem about his own skull.

Then, the dares escalate.

“Zoro, I dare you to wear lipstick” Nami announces with a wicked grin.

Everyone turns to the swordsman. His scowl deepens “No.”

“You have to” Luffy says through a mouthful of meat.

“Like hell I do—”

Before Zoro can react, Sanji appears at his side, a bright red lipstick in hand “Hold still, Marimo~”

“GET AWAY FROM ME!”

The room bursts into chaos as Zoro dodges, but in the end, Nami’s iron grip on his wallet forces him to comply. The result? A grumpy, lipstick-wearing swordsman with crossed arms and a murderous aura.

“Beautiful” you tease, and he glares daggers at you.

More dares roll in—Kid has to admit that Luffy is stronger than him (his soul nearly leaves his body), Law has to wear one of Chopper’s hats, and Yamato is dared to chug a whole bottle of sake.

Then it’s your turn.

“Alright, y/n,” Usopp announces dramatically “Truth or dare?”

You glance around. Everyone is waiting “…Dare.”

A slow, mischievous grin spreads on Nami’s face “I dare you to let someone kiss you. On the lips.”

The room erupts.

“Oi, Nami, that’s dirty!” Sanji wails, clutching his chest.

“Ahhh, spicy!” Brook cackles “Can I volunteer? Oh wait, I have no lips—”

“Wait, wait, wait” you laugh from embarassment, waving your hands. “From anyone?”

“Yep,” Nami smirks “Whoever volunteers first.”

For a second, there’s silence. A thick tension. You glance around, half-expecting Sanji to throw himself at you dramatically, but surprisingly… he doesn’t.

Then—

“I’ll do it.”

Your breath catches.

All eyes turn to the source.

It’s Law.

The normally composed, ever-serious Heart Pirates captain sits with one arm resting lazily on his knee, eyes locked on yours. There’s no joke in his voice, no teasing smirk. Just a steady, unreadable expression.

The room collectively loses its mind.

“WHAT?!”

“L-LAW?!?”

“HOLY SHIT—”

Even Kid nearly chokes on his drink.

Law, unfazed by the chaos, only tilts his head “Well?”

Your heart hammers. Of all people, you hadn’t expected him to step forward.

You swallow “You’re serious?”

He shrugs “A dare’s a dare.”

The whole room leans in. You feel heat rising to your face, but hell, backing down now would be worse. You steel yourself and lean in.

The second your lips touch, the room explodes.

Cheers, screams, laughter—someone (probably Luffy) howls like a wolf. The kiss itself is brief, but the warmth lingers as you pull away, your heart pounding.

You look at Law. He smirks ever so slightly.

“Not bad” he murmurs.

“Shut up” you mutter, flustered.

“You bastard” Kid mutters, shoving Law’s shoulder with enough force to make a lesser man topple “That was bold.”

Law just smirks, sipping his sake like he didn’t just send your heart into orbit “It was a dare.”

“Yeah, yeah, sure it was” Usopp snickers, elbowing you “But damn, y/n, you look like you’re about to explode.”

You are. Heat still lingers on your lips, and your brain refuses to function properly. You risk a glance at Law—he’s still sitting so casually, but there’s something in his eyes, something smug.

This bastard knew what he was doing.

Before you can retaliate, Luffy claps his hands “Next turn!”

The game resumes, but the energy is wild. Everyone is still high off the chaos.

“Sanji!” Luffy grins “Truth or dare?”

Sanji takes a deep breath, regaining some composure after witnessing you get kissed by Law of all people “Truth.”

Nami smirks “Have you ever had a REAL crush on anyone in this room?”

Sanji sputters “T-THAT’S NOT FAIR!”

“It absolutely is” Zoro snickers.

The cook dramatically throws himself back “Of course, my heart belongs to all the ladies in this room! But if you must know—” His gaze flickers to you for a split second before he recovers “I will take my secret to the grave!”

“BOOO!” Chopper shouts.

Brook chuckles “Very suspicious, Sanji.”

“Shut up” he grumbles, lighting a cigarette.

More rounds go by. Kid is dared to eat something spicy as hell (he nearly breathes fire), Yamato has to arm wrestle Franky (Yamato wins), and Luffy is dared to wear one of Zoro’s haramaki belts as a headband.

Then, the dares start getting worse.

“Zoro�� Usopp grins evilly “I dare you to sit in Sanji’s lap for the next three turns.”

Silence.

Zoro’s face darkens instantly “I’d rather die.”

Sanji, on the other hand, shrieks “YOU THINK I WANT THAT MARIMO’S HEAVY ASS ON ME?!”

Luffy laughs so hard he falls backward “It’s a dare, Zoro! No backing out!”

Zoro glares at Usopp like he’s contemplating murder, but the sniper just grins “C’mon, ‘King of Hell,’ prove you’re not a coward.”

“Tch” Zoro grits his teeth and stomps over to Sanji, who looks like he’d rather be anywhere else.

“Don’t you dare enjoy this” Zoro mutters before dropping into Sanji’s lap with a thud.

“GAH!” Sanji nearly topples backward “I SWEAR TO GOD, IF YOU BREAK MY LEGS—”

The whole room is screaming with laughter.

Even Law, usually so composed, hides a smirk behind his sake cup.

The game spirals further into madness. Luffy is dared to drink an entire bottle of sake in one go (bad idea), Bepo has to carry Kid bridal-style for a full minute (worse idea), and someone forces Jinbei to do an impression of Buggy the Clown (best idea).

Then—

“Alright, y/n” Nami turns to you again, eyes gleaming with mischief. “Truth or dare?”

You exhale. After what happened last time, you should pick truth. But your pride won’t let you.

“Dare” you say.

Nami grins “I dare you to sit in Law’s lap for the next three turns.”

The entire room erupts again.

You choke “WHAT?!”

Law raises an eyebrow, but there’s something dangerous in his smirk. “That’s fair” he says simply.

Fair, my ass.

“You could refuse, y/n” Robin offers sweetly “but then you’d have to do a punishment dare instead.”

You gulp. You’ve seen the punishment dares tonight. (Brook had to strip. You are NOT about to risk that.)

With a deep breath, you shuffle toward Law “I hate this game” you mutter.

Law leans back, waiting. The absolute smugness on his face makes you want to throw him out the window.

Cursing every deity, you sit on his lap.

Law’s arms rest casually around your waist, like it’s nothing. “Comfortable?” he murmurs, just for you to hear.

You refuse to give him a reaction “Shut up.”

The game barely continues because everyone is losing their damn minds over this. Sanji looks like he’s about to burst into flames, Usopp keeps making dramatic gagging noises, and Kid just straight-up leaves the room.

“I CAN’T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!”

But Law? Law is unfazed. In fact, he seems to be enjoying your suffering.

You sit there, face burning, waiting for the turns to pass.

One.

Two.

Three.

“Alright, I’M DONE!” You jump up, escaping Law’s grasp. He chuckles, stretching like he hadn’t just driven you insane for the last few minutes.

You glare at Nami “You’re evil...”

“I know” She winks.

The game finally begins to wind down as people start passing out from too much sake. Luffy snores on the floor, Zoro is sprawled in a corner (still wearing lipstick), and Usopp keeps muttering, “Too much romance… my heart can’t take it…”

You sigh in exhaustion “Finally.”

Then—

“y/n”

Your breath stills.

You turn. Law stands there, hands in his pockets, golden eyes locked on you. The teasing smirk from before is gone.

He takes a step closer “Can we talk?”

Your stomach flips “…About what?”

Law tilts his head slightly, eyes scanning your face “You know what.”

Oh...

Oh!

Your heartbeat quickens. The room suddenly feels too small.

The game is over, but something else is about to begin.

Your heart pounds as you swallow “Uh… sure.”

Law doesn’t hesitate, he jerks his head toward the door, and you follow him out into the cool Wano night. The festival outside is still alive, but compared to the madness inside, the quiet hum of distant music feels strangely… intimate.

You cross your arms, trying to act casual “So… what did you wanna talk about?”

Law stops near a wooden railing, leaning against it with his arms crossed. He watches you for a moment, his eyes flickering in the lantern light. Then, he sighs.

“You don’t get it, do you?”

Your brow furrows “Get what?”

Another pause. Then—

“That kiss wasn’t just a dare... to me.”

Your breath catches.

You blink, your brain scrambling “Wait… what?”

Law exhales through his nose, looking almost annoyed. Like he can’t believe he has to spell it out “Seriously?” He gives you a pointed look “You really think I’d kiss you just for fun?”

You’re stunned into silence.

Because yes, that’s exactly what you’d thought. Law was always the logical one, the one who didn’t waste time on nonsense. You’d assumed he did it just to shut everyone up.

But now, as he stares at you with that unreadable expression, your mind rewinds—

The way he volunteered so quickly. The way his smirk was so sure. The way he didn’t flinch when you sat in his lap, like it was something he’d already imagined.

“…Oh.”

Law scoffs “Oh.” He shakes his head “Unbelievable.”

You open your mouth, then close it. What do you say to that? Your heart is racing, your stomach flipping, and now the man you just kissed is standing here, practically admitting—

“You’re really bad at picking up signals” Law mutters, rubbing his temple.

You gape at him “Well, sorry for not assuming one of the most wanted men in the world has a thing for me!”

Law chuckles, low and amused “You think I care about that?”

You stare at him “…Do you?”

His expression softens, just slightly “Not when it comes to you.”

Oh... Oh!

Your heart does a whole circus act. You suddenly feel too warm, despite the night air.

“You…” You take a breath “So you—”

“I like you, y/n.”

Your world tilts.

The words are so direct, so Law, that you can’t even doubt them. He’s looking at you with that sharp, unwavering gaze, like he’s already dissected every possible outcome and decided this is the one that matters.

You can’t breathe.

“…Since when?” you whisper.

Law shrugs, looking away for the first time “A while” then, quieter, “Long enough.”

You swear your heart might explode.

A gust of wind brushes past, rustling your hair. You barely register it. Because Law just confessed to you, and you’re standing here like an idiot, trying to reboot your entire existence.

But then, slowly (so slowly) a smile creeps onto your face.

“Guess I’m the idiot, huh?”

Law huffs a quiet laugh “You said it, not me.”

You roll your eyes, stepping closer “You could’ve just told me, you know.”

His lips twitch “Where’s the fun in that?”

You shake your head, unable to stop smiling. This stupid, stubborn, brilliant man.

Without thinking too much, you reach out and grab the front of his coat, tugging him down slightly. His eyes widen, just for a second, before you lean up and press a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

Law goes completely still.

When you pull back, you raise an eyebrow “That one wasn’t a dare.”

Something in Law’s gaze flickers. Then, very quietly—

“Good.”

And before you can react, he tilts your chin up and kisses you for real.

It’s not like the kiss from before. That one was brief teasing, this one is deliberate. It’s firm and slow, like he’s making up for every second he’s held back. His hand settles on your waist, pulling you closer, and you can feel the heat radiating off him.

You barely have time to process anything before he pulls away, lips just barely brushing yours as he murmurs...

“That one wasn’t a dare either.”

You laugh breathlessly “No kidding.”

Law smirks “Took you long enough.”

You roll your eyes, but you can’t stop smiling “Shut up.”

And maybe, just maybe, this victory celebration turned out way better than you expected.

[thatnonameuser]

I am not sure if you have seen/remember abt the yandere purge AU. What if MC tries and sell the idea that in their world: yandere are more subtle and only has one day to "claim" their darling, World building stuff. Just an idea. Don't know if that makes it worse or better for the MC.

I have seen the yandere purge AU, and it does work in a yandereverse kind of AU. Obviously it would solve a lot of problems, and now darlings don’t have to live in fear everyday of the year, are going to be much less stressed, and less crime is committed overall. 

I feel as if it could only work if the yandere’s didn’t outnumber the number of darlings and normal people, because then it feels like an event done to uphold the peace. 

If the MC tries to sell the idea that this is a better way to have their darlings, then it’s more than likely going to catch on to the pro-darling rights areas like the Shaftlands and the Queendom of Roses. Those areas I imagine would have issues with certain crimes like murder, assaults and unlawful darling kidnappings.  So it would probably be able to catch on in those areas, because it's a more ‘civilised’ way of dealing with darlings.

Areas like the Afterglow Savanna and the Coral Sea are definitely areas where that won’t catch on. It’s common for crimes surrounding darlings to not be treated the same as the pro-darling areas unless it’s something severe like murder or violent abuse. 

The Briar Valley believes its treatment of darlings is fair and just, the darlings are kept safe, and the entire process of claiming and connecting darlings with their yanderes is already considered civilised. So they’re disillusioned with how their crimes are considered bad. So it’s a no for them. 

The Isle of Woe is a special case, the yanderes there rarely leave the Isle unless it’s to find their darlings, and the only people on the isle are the yanderes that already lived there and the darlings that were brought there. So it’s also a no. 

But keep in mind one little detail even if every nation was to put this into practice, then imagine all the untold horrors darlings experience on that day. Yes, darling kidnappings and assaults would be high. But also consider that some of the yanderes might spend the day without laws ensuring their darlings have no one to run back to. Or in some cases, no one to chase them. 

Murder would be high on that day, because yes, while it is a yandere purge, wouldn’t yanderes take the opportunity to get rid of some people that could later be threats. 

Imagine the fear centered around that one day, that might as well be Valentine’s day, for all those poor darlings, trying to fight to protect themselves. All the yanderes fighting to get their darlings and slay their rivals.  And their families try their hardest to protect their darling kin and aid their yandere ones. 

It would be better if you were the cause, you’d be able to prepare and plan. It would be worse if you weren’t.

If that was put into practice for the whole of TWST prior to  MC’s arrival, then maybe she would feel a lot safer. Because hey, it’s only one day that she’ll be in danger and Crowley’s going to find her way back possibly before that dreaded day. She doesn’t have to worry about endearing herself to them because she’s going to be back home before that day. 

But as the days tick down, and the day of the purge draws closer you start to realise how screwed you are. And then one month before that day, over twenty of those horrible red letters come in the mail. 

Each of them are different, some sweet and sappy like a love poem, others direct to the point about their plan of your capture, some are downright terrifying, incredibly detailed in either their plans, and about how no matter how hard you’d try to escape it would end in failure, or how they truly felt about their disturbing and obsessive love for you. 

At that point, you’d realise how screwed you were.  It would be worse than you could ever imagine since you would have no idea of what to expect, or what they were capable of. 

Either way, someone is going to lose. Whether it’s an easy loss or hard one, that’s just based on luck.

[moonchild9350]

Whispers of Beauty

summary: you find your way again after a horrible breakup with the help of poetry and Hyunjin.

pairing: Hyunjin x fab!reader

genre: strangers to lovers au (slow burn), angst, fluff, smut-18+ MDNI

word count: 6.8k

warnings: time jumps, nipple play, clit play, unprotected sex (don't), creampie, multiple orgasms, cum tasting, finger sucking

notes: reminiscing of hyunjin as always. this will also probably be it until i finish the series i'm working on lol. the poems used in this fic are Now Sleeps the Crimson Petal by Tennyson and She Walks in Beauty by Lord Byron if you'd like to read them in full!

if you enjoyed, please consider a like, reblog, or comment as it keeps me motivated ♡

dividers by @saradika-graphics

please do not copy, translate, modify, use, or repost my work elsewhere without my permission. ©moonchild9350 (2024)

It was another busy day at the cafe, people coming in to order their usuals as they made their way to work, school, or elsewhere. You lose yourself in the art of making their drinks, the familiar task giving you a sense of comfort.

You definitely needed comfort after a recent breakup, the wounds so fresh, you could still feel your heart rip in two at just the thought. You were in need of some healing and your friend, Ember, knew just the activity that will help.

Every Friday, the cafe you worked at hosted poetry night where others can spend their evenings sharing their original works or reciting works of some of poetry’s greatest authors.

You loved poetry, loved getting lost in the words of those who walked this earth centuries before you. The works always incited emotion, your eyes welling up in tears, or scowling in anger at the passion of the writers.

You also loved listening to others, as they poured their heart out through words, weaving their stories through happy narratives or euphemisms.

While you were dating your ex, your passion for poetry dimmed, finding no comfort from the words on the page as your love for the stories was berated and considered worthless.

You sat aside your poems in exchange for the thought of love, burying the feeling of hopelessness deep within your heart.

Now that you were free, you started engaging in poetry reading again, getting lost in the words once more, your smile returning as you found some comfort from them. Ember suggested you start going to poetry nights, so you could get out of the house, meet new people, and of course engage in your ultimate love.

At first, you weren’t keen on the idea, having not gone to an event like this in years, but overtime you changed your mind, deciding it was exactly what you needed.

So you busied yourself in your work, counting down the hours until the end of your shift and when you could take a seat and enjoy the entertainment of the night.

Time passed, people came, drinks were made. Before you knew it, you were clocking out, taking off your apron and setting it on your hook. You fixed your outfit in the bathroom, then went in search of your friend, hoping she had already arrived.

You smiled as you spotted Ember, sitting on a couch in the corner. You walked over to her, embracing in a hug before sitting down with a sigh, happy with the relief of getting off your aching legs.

“I’m so excited you agreed to do this!” Ember exclaimed, pulling you close so she could hug you.

“Same, it’s been too long,” you replied, wrapping your arms around your friend.

She playfully ruffled your hair, laughing as you protested. “Seems like it’ll be a good turn out.”

You scanned the room, noticing that the tables and couches were filling in, friends, couples, and singles alike settling in for a good night.

“Yeah, the turn-out is usually good,” you replied.

You listened to the chatter, your mind wandering elsewhere in the cozy atmosphere. You’re not sure how much time passed as you stared into space, your mind running nonstop.

“Y/n! It’s about to start!” Ember said as she elbowed you in the side.

You shook your head to come back to the present. The lights were dim, a small spotlight shining on a spot in the center of the room. You assumed this would be where those who wanted to share their thoughts would sit, as there was a small wooden stool present, along with a microphone.

The crowd quieted, their attention focused on your boss who walked to the mic. She tapped on the head before clearing her throat.

“Welcome to poetry night! Tonight we will listen to some talented people recite some of literature’s greatest works. So sit back and let the words flow through your soul.”

You clapped as she left the makeshift stage, the first performer taking their place. You listened to poem after poem, your mind opening up and your heart beating at the promise of the words that were flowing through the small space.

Before you knew it, the night was almost over, the event coming to a close. You clapped as the last performer took to the stage, your eyes widening at the sight of him.

He was dressed in a black sweater and jeans, the fit loose on his slim body. His brown hair framed his face perfectly, the strands hanging down to his neck. His eyes were a beautiful shade of chocolate brown and seemed to shine with the spotlight that shone from above. His lips were large and plush and a pretty shade of pink that had you blushing.

He sat on the stool and pulled the mic closer and adjusted it. He cleared his throat as he looked out into the audience, his eyes roaming those gathered as if he was summoning their attention.

The extra step was moot however as everyone’s eyes were trained on him, awaiting the beautiful words that would fall from his lips.

You watched with bated breath as he opened his mouth and began to speak:

“Now sleeps the crimson petal, now the white; Nor waves the cypress in the palace walk; Nor winks the gold fin in the porphyry font. The firefly wakens; waken thou with me.”

As the man spoke, you felt like you were transported to another time, as a princess professes her love for the prince. The words that he spoke were smooth like velvet, yet full of emotion.

His eyes gazed upon the crowd, his eyes catching person after person as he recited the poem, making sure to captivate the audience. Eventually, his eyes made it to you and remained there as he continued to speak.

You couldn’t help but watch his lips as they opened and closed, as he continued his prose. You could feel your face heat up, as you dragged your eyes to his, holding his strong gaze.

He finished in a beat, the crowd erupting in cheers as he stood up and bowed slightly, before returning to his seat. He wasn’t sitting far from you as he was only a few tables away, his back turned toward you.

As the night went on, you couldn’t help but stare at the man, your mind still reeling after that performance. You wondered who he was as you haven’t seen him around the cafe. Ember tapped you on the thigh, causing you to turn and look at her.

You rolled your eyes as she wriggled her eyebrows at noticing how you were staring at the mystery man.

Once the lights came back up, people milled around chatting, discussing the choices of the night. You noticed a crowd of people surrounding the mystery man, mainly women gushing at how well he did.

“I’ll be right back,” you told Ember, who was speaking with some random person that was sitting next to you.

“Sure thing babe,” she replied, a sly smile forming on her face.

You walked over toward the man, determined to speak to him before the night ended. You definitely wanted to compliment him on his choice of work as Tennyson was one of your favorite authors.

You waited patiently as the flock of groupies gushed to him about irrelevant things, probably trying to see who could get his number first. You smirked at their desperation, watching as he tried to disentangle himself from a girl who was trying to hug him.

Chuckling, you decided to help him out.

“Eh mm,” you said, raising your eyebrow at the girls who turned around to see who had interrupted them.

“Others are waiting to speak with the gentleman, just wanted to let you know.”

The girls looked at you with disdain, their eyes narrowed as they hesitated to move. When you opened your mouth to say more, they scrambled away, muttering under their breaths about how they were rudely interrupted.

Shaking your head, you approached the beautiful man and smiled.

“Hi, great job tonight. Tennyson huh?” You said, watching as the man blushed and tucked his head down.

“Thank you, uh…yeah. He’s one of my favorites.”

“Really mine too! I’m y/n,” you responded, holding your hand out to shake his hand.

His eyes lit up at your words, excitement etched on his face. “Ah! Another fan, that makes my heart sing y/n. I’m Hyunjin.”

Hyunjin reached his hand to you, wrapping his fingers around yours and giving you a firm handshake. You couldn’t help but think how soft his hands were, albeit a little sweaty.

“I’d love to chat with you more about him…or poetry in general,” you said dropping your hand.

“Of course, of course, that would be excellent!” Hyunjin said as he nodded, his hair falling into his face at the movement.

“Great, I actually work here, so maybe we can meet-up after one of my shifts?”

“Sounds perfect,” he said, fiddling with his sleeves.

You smiled at how nervous he was, thinking he was pretty cute. “I’ll see you around then,” you said with a wave of your hand.

You turned on your heels and walked away, making your way back to Ember. You couldn’t miss the sly grin she had plastered on her face.

“Well, well, well, someone’s been busy,” she teased, giving you a wink.

“No, no, I just wanted to speak with him and see if he wanted to talk more about Tennyson. Turns out that’s his favorite poet too.”

“Mmhmm, sure whatever you say babe. Did you get his name?” Ember asked.

“Hyunjin,” you said simply, a warm feeling spreading throughout your body as you said his name.

“Well, may great things be in store for you two,” Ember said, as she genuinely smiled at you.

-- --

Weeks passed with you filling your days with work. You picked up long shifts which left you exhausted by the end of the day, causing you to tread home and immediately fall into bed out of exhaustion.

You saw Ember sporadically over the weeks on your few off days, which was a nice change of pace.

You haven’t seen Hyunjin, as he hasn’t stopped by. You pretty much gave up on the idea of the man showing up, chalking it up to that he forgot or wasn’t interested….not that he owed you anything anyway.

Despite this, a part of you hoped he would have stopped by, wanting to discuss with him his love for literature. You were fascinated with him, remembering how velvety his voice sounded as he brought centuries old words to life.

You were working the register one day, taking people’s orders, which you didn’t mind as most of your customers were regulars and really kind. However, the sight of a particular person made you gasp, your eyes widening at the sight of them.

The man sauntered over, a smirk on his face as he approached the counter.

“Well, well, hi love,” he said.

You felt bile rise-up at his words, your mind swirling with a million thoughts.

“What are you doing here?”

Your ex, Elias chucked and ran a hand through his hair.

“Can’t I just stop by for some coffee and to see my favorite girl?”

“I’m not your girl,” you sneered, your fists balling up at your side.

“Oh come on love, don’t be like that. I’ll take you back you know. Just be a good girl and be mine again.”

You were furious, heat rising to your face as your blood boiled. You could feel your hands shake, wanting to punch this man in front of you.

You were about to respond when another person stepped behind Elias, his eyes narrowed.

You looked up and recognized Hyunjin, your heart skipping at a beat at the sight of him.

“You’re holding up the line,” Hyunjin said, crossing his arms and adapting a threatening stance.

“I’m almost done,” Elias said as he continued to focus on you.

You swallowed as you saw Hyunjin’s face turn red, his fists balling up.

“Is he bothering you y/n?” Hyunjin asked you, concern in his eyes.

You merely shook your head yes, scared your voice would betray you as you were close to tears.

“Leave.”

Hyunjin spat the word out with so much venom, even you were taken aback. He seemed so sweet and innocent, but it seemed he had a tough side as well.

“Oh, I see how it is,” Elias said, looking between you two. “Good luck man she’s a piece of work.”

At that, Elias turned on his heels and walked away, walking out into the crowded sidewalk. You found yourself letting out a breath you didn’t know you were holding as your eyes landed on Hyunjin.

Hyunjin let out a huff and then uncrossed his arms, as he walked up to the counter. His eyes searched yours, making sure you were ok.

“Hi,” you sheepishly replied as you fiddled with your apron.

“Hi,” Hyunjin replied as he smiled, clearly happy you were ok.

“So, can I get you anything?” You asked as you smirked.

“Hmmm, I was thinking we could have that chat. Sorry I haven’t stopped by sooner, work has been busy.”

At his words, you felt your heart flutter within your chest, your excitement rising at the prospect of spending time with him. You tried to control yourself before responding, willing your heart to slow.

“I’d love that. I get off at 8.”

Hyunjin smiled, elated that you accepted his proposal. “Perfect, how about I swing by and pick you up then?”

“Sure,” you said as you tried not to bounce on your feet.

“It’s a date then. Oh, and I guess while I’m here, might as well get an iced americano!”

You chuckled and began to ring him up, a smile on your face all the while. When you selected his cup to write his name down, you drew a cute smiley face, adding little stars around the face. You smiled at him as you set the cup down.

“See you tonight y/n,” he said as he turned to walk to the pick-up area.

Your mind was reeling, your heart pounding in your chest. Hyunjin called it a date, an actual date. Is it a date? Did he just ask you out? Or was he just saying that to be cheeky?

The rest of the day, the thought was on your mind, causing you to make a few mistakes as you helped out customers. As the time for your shift to end got closer, you began to feel nervous and jittery, as you weren’t able to stand still.

Hyunjin was right on time, a huge smile on his face as he walked in looking like an absolute angel. You couldn’t take your eyes off him, not realizing you were staring until he called your name.

Apologizing profusely, you clocked out and grabbed your stuff, rushing to stand by his side.

“Where to?” You asked, looking up into his eyes.

“Well, I thought we could take a walk around the city? Chat a little and enjoy the night atmosphere?”

A walk after a long day sounded perfect.

“I love that, let’s do it!”

Hyunjin grinned and bowed, ushering you ahead. You giggled and blushed as he opened the door for you, the little bell tinkling lightly against the glass.

You stepped out into the night air, the crispness a nice welcome after being in the cafe all day. You both joined the many others making their way down the sidewalk.

“So you like poetry?” Hyunjin asked in a serious tone as he stared straight ahead.

“Mmhmm, I do. I studied English literature back in university. I don’t know, it’s just something about reading the words of those from long before you that creates such an intimate look into their life and thoughts.”

“I get it. I’ve been studying and reading poetry a few years now. It’s a comfort to me.” Hyunjin said, as he contemplated his thoughts.

“How long have you been reciting poetry?” You asked, turning to look at him.

Hyunjin paused in thought as he considered your question. “I’d probably say the last three years or so.”

You hummed in response, impressed with his dedication. You both were silent for a moment, the sound of crickets chirping through the night, their song almost melancholic.

“So…” Hyunjin began, “who uh…who was the guy that was harassing you earlier? Of course you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to! I was just curious…” he continued, his voice trailing off.

You let out a heavy sigh. You deserved to give him an answer, especially since he came to your aid.

“That was my ex, Elias. We broke up a few months back. He um…I caught him with another girl in our bed…”

Your mood fell at the thought, remembering the day when you came home, exhausted from your long day at work. You were excited to see your boyfriend and have a relaxing evening…that is until you found out he wasn’t exactly excited to see you as he was between some other girl’s legs.

You recounted to Hyunjin how Elias tried to deny the affair, even though you saw the proof with your own eyes, but you didn’t give him a chance to grovel, ending the relationship that very night.

Hyunjin listened intently, his heart breaking at the fact that someone who was supposed to love you betrayed you instead. He definitely thought you deserved better as you seemed intelligent and kind and not to mention beautiful.

“I’m sorry y/n… he seems like an asshole to be honest.” He replied as he balled his hands into a fist at the thought of the sleaze bag he encountered earlier in the day.

“I recognize that now. There were definitely signs leading up to that night, but I guess I chose to ignore them.”

Hyunjin nodded, “I get it. You were blindsided by what you thought was a loving relationship.”

You hummed in agreement. You were blinded and so stupid, but Elias was in the past. You didn’t have to worry about him anymore.

“You deserve better y/n, just thought I’d mention it.”

You felt the corner of your eyes prickle with tears, threatening to spill over at any moment. Your chest felt heavy at his way of consoling you.

You did deserve better, and you believe that’s why his betrayal hurt so much. Your heart was healing, one day at a time. You could feel another stitch find its way within you at his words, Hyunjin’s company soothing. Somehow at that feeling, you knew you would be ok, and could continue to heal with the help of Hyunjin.

Your mind wandered to the man next to you. Maybe it was fate that you met him that night. If it wasn’t for your friend pushing you out of your comfort zone, you’d have never stayed to listen to others pour their heart out in prose and ultimately never met Hyunjin and his beautiful soul.

Months have passed and you are now dating Hyunjin. Each day is full of bliss as he showers you with love, making sure you feel like a queen.

He is picking you up after work and taking you to dinner as today is your birthday. You tried asking where he was going to take you, but he kept saying it’s a surprise.

You were excited to say the least at the thought of the night to come. Your shift couldn’t end soon enough, as the clock struck six, your boss letting you go early in honor of the special day.

Your face lit up at the sound of the bell, Hyunjin walking into the cafe. He looked handsome in his jeans and sweater, his hair styled neatly.

“Hi angel! Ready?” He asked, stopping at the counter.

“Yep! Let me clock out and grab my bag.”

Hyunjin chuckled as he watched you scramble around, picking up your bag and hurrying to his side.

“Now I’m ready,” you smiled, looking up at your boyfriend.

Hyunjin grinned and took your hand, his fingers lacing with yours as he brought the back of your hand to his lips for a kiss.

Even though you’ve been dating for a few months now, you still blushed at his antics, the novelty never wearing off.

“Then let’s go, angel.”

Hyunjin led you out of the cafe and outside. You looked around your surroundings, your eyes widening at every restaurant you passed, wondering if it would be the one.

However, you passed building after building, not stopping at any of them.

Hyunjin could sense your curiosity, as he gave your hand a squeeze. “We’re almost there, see?” He asked, pointing to a building in the distance.

You took notice of a brick building that seemed empty. You were confused as he guided you to the door, the corridor beyond eerie looking.

“Where are we going?” You asked as you were more than nervous at this point.

You trusted Hyunjin but a part of you was a little scared, not knowing what awaited you within the building.

“Don’t worry angel, let’s keep moving, just one more flight of stairs,” Hyunjin cooed, as you both walked up a flight of stairs.

At the top of the staircase there was a large door, the metal frame seeming unwelcoming. Hyunjin stopped in front of it and grasped the handle while looking at you with a bright smile on his face.

“Ready?” He asked.

You nodded your head and held your breath, prepared for whatever was on the other side. As he opened the door, you were greeted with a balcony overlooking the city, the skyline lit up against the night sky. There were fairy lights strung around the perimeter, casting a soft glow on the rooftop.

In the center, there was a small table, set up for two, the flicker of two candles casting shadows across the table. It was all so surreal. You couldn’t believe Hyunjin did all of this for you.

“Surprise!” Hyunjin said, dramatically wiggling his fingers.

You chuckled at his antics, all of your nervousness gone.

“It’s beautiful! I can’t believe you did this for me,” you said, your voice breaking as you looked at Hyunjin.

“Aww angel, don’t cry,” Hyunjin said as he rushed over to you.

He gently wiped the tear that had escaped while he pulled you closer to his body.

“I’d do anything for you y/n. I love you so much.”

Your heart skipped a beat at his words as the feeling of butterflies fluttered within your stomach. You couldn’t believe your luck, happy that you were able to share this moment with the most perfect man.

“I love you too,” you gushed, your cheeks flushing with the statement.

Hyunjin flashed his beautiful smile before taking your hands in his once more.

“Shall we?”

“Yes please,” you softly said, letting him pull you toward the table.

You watched as he pulled your chair out, gesturing for you to sit. Once seated, he rushed to his chair and sat down. Your eyes followed his every move as he plated up dinner, the food smelling delicious as it was piled up on your plate.

He poured both of you a glass of wine and then signaled he was done. You both began to eat, the food seeming to melt on your tongue as a burst of flavors invaded your taste buds.

Hyunjin filled the evening with chatter, asking you about your day in detail. You were more than happy to discuss your day, as it was a little rough, having some difficult customers come through.

Once you were done eating, Hyunjin dished up dessert, setting down a slice of chocolate cake in front of you.

“You know me so well,” you said as you eyed the cake, your mouth watering in anticipation at eating the sweet treat.

“Of course angel, have to make sure you have your chocolate!”

You giggled and picked up your fork and cut a piece off. You moaned at the taste, your eyes closing as it melted in your mouth. You were in heaven, or close to it.

“So,” Hyunjin started as he twirled his fork around in his hand. “I am going to enter into the poetry night contest at the cafe. I think it would be something fun to do.”

Hyunjin looked at his plate, nervous in how you would respond. He wanted to share his talent with more people, and what better way to do so than through a friendly competition? The prize was also nice, one he believes would be worth winning.

“That’s a great idea baby!” You exclaimed, clapping your hands at the idea.

Hyunjin’s eyes lit up at your enthusiasm, his body relaxing further into the chair at your acceptance.

“Mind if we practice when we get home?” He asked, hope in his eyes.

“Of course, I’d love to help you,” you gushed, excited to hear which poem he chose.

“Great, let’s pack up and then we can head back.”

You nodded and began to gather your trash, helping hyunjin clean up. Once done, you both walked back to his apartment, giggling and chatting the whole way, your arms swinging back and forth between you.

“Thank you for dinner baby, I really did enjoy it,” you said, as you continued your walk.

“I’m happy you liked it angel, anything for my baby.”

You chuckled, your heart swelling at how sweet he is. You walked in silence, enjoying the quiet of the city as it was late. Within the last few blocks from Hyunjin’s apartment building, an idea popped in your head.

“Wanna race the rest of the way and see who can get there first?” You asked, wiggling your eyebrows.

“Oh yes! Let’s do it,” Hyunjin said.

“Just so you know, I plan on winning,” you teased as you dropped your hand from his.

“I’d like to see you try,” Hyunjin responded while squatting, preparing to take off.

“Ok, ready? 3…2…1..go!”

You both took off down the walk, a fluster of laughter and shouts as you both raced to his building. You couldn’t remember ever feeling this happy as you felt the wind blow through your hair as you raced your boyfriend. Tonight was a perfect night indeed and would definitely be one of your favorites.

— —

Once inside, you both made yourself comfy, changing into your sleep clothes. You giggled as Hyunjin pulled you into bed and pressed kisses all over your face.

“I love you sweet girl,” he murmured in between kisses.

“I love you too baby, that tickles!” You chuckled as he tried to pull you closer, all the while continuing to kiss you.

Once he was satisfied, he pulled back to look you in the eyes. “Happy birthday angel,” he whispered as he tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear.

You smiled before leaning over to kiss him on the lips, your heart swelling at the gentleness of the kiss. You both laid there for what felt like a lifetime, snuggled into each other’s embrace as you lazily kissed each other. You tugged your fingers through his hair, the soft locks gliding easily through them.

Hyunjin whimpered against your lips, as he pressed himself against you, his length hard against your thigh. You rolled your hips, grinding against him as you deepened the kiss, running your tongue against his bottom lip asking for entrance.

He pulled you closer, your bodies flush against each other as his tongue danced with yours. You wrapped a leg around his waist so you could feel him better and continued to grind against him, sighing against his lips as his cock brushed against your core.

Disconnecting with a gasp, you laid there catching your breath as you stared at your lover, taking in the love mixed with lust in his eyes. Your eyes fluttered as Hyunjin lightly dragged his finger down your cheek, to your lips, his thumb catching at your bottom lip.

You moaned as he slowly pushed his finger within your mouth, your lips immediately wrapping around the digit. You lightly sucked on his finger, your tongue swirling around the digit, your eyes on his.

You smirked as you felt his cock twitch against your thigh. As you released his thumb with a pop, Hyunjin pounced on you, rolling you onto your back. He attached his lips to yours in a hurried kiss, his hands fumbling with your sleep shorts.

He dragged them down as best as he could, you aiding the process as you wiggled out of the fabric, your feet pushing them down your legs. Hyunjin pulled away briefly as he gripped the hem of your shirt and pulled it over your head.

You moaned as he attached his lips back to yours, your pussy clenching as he rocked his clothed cock into your core. He lazily kissed you, his pace slowing down, his heart beating against yours. You were lost in the feel of him when you heard him murmur, his voice sultry in your ear.

“She walks in beauty like the night, of cloudless climes and starry skies; and all that’s best of dark and bright, meet in her aspect and her eyes; thus mellowed to that tender light, which heaven to gaudy day denies.”

You pulled away slightly, confusion plastered on your face.

“Baby…what…”

But Hyunjin just silenced you with a kiss. “Shhh my angel, I’m practicing remember?”

It took you a moment to realize what he was talking about, lost in thought as his lips moved with yours, until it clicked a few seconds later. The poem. Ahh it made sense now.

At that, you relaxed further, letting out a sigh as his lips moved to your neck, sucking the skin there and licking the area to sooth it. Your fingers played with his hair, twirling the ends around the digit. As he continued to leave purple marks on your skin, he continued murmuring, his voice soft in the otherwise quiet room.

“One shade the more, one ray the less, had half impaired the nameless grace, which waves in every raven tress, or softly lightens o’er her face; where thoughts serenely sweet express, how pure, how dear their dwelling place.”

Once he was done reciting the next part, he trailed his lips on your chest, pressing wet kisses down the valley of your breasts. He wrapped his plush lips around your nipple, letting out little moans as he suckled the hardened nub.

“So beautiful angel,” Hyunjin murmured in between kisses as he fondled your breasts, his eyes closed in bliss as he savored your body.

His fingers trailed down your tummy, leaving goosebumps in its wake as he made his way to your core, his fingers swirling around your swollen clit. You sighed as he continued to gently play with the nub, shocks of pleasure wrecking your frame as you surrendered to his ministrations.

As he tortured your sweet flesh, his eyes snapped up to watch you writhing in pleasure. Licking his lips, he took a shaky breath before continuing on.

“And on that cheek, and o’er that brow, so soft, so calm, yet eloquent, the smiles that win, the tints that glow; but tell of days in goodness spent, a mind at peace with all below, a heart whose love is innocent.”

You opened your eyes as he finished, his voice trailing off at the end. You looked down at the love of your life between your legs, watching the veins pop out of his arms as he continued to pay attention to your clit.

You were close, the pleasure building, your chest heaving as you tried to breathe. Your hands gripped the sheets, the white fabric bunching up as you rocked your hips against his fingers.

“So sweet, so beautiful, delicate like a flower. Cum for me angel.”

You groaned at his words, your orgasm hitting you hard as he continued to gently fondle you. He grinned as you fell apart, his eyes roaming your face, taking in the look of pleasure, the scent of you as your slick made a mess of his hands.

Once you came down, Hyunjin shuffled up, parting your legs even more. At some point he had rid himself of his clothes, his hand stroking his leaking cock.

He brought his length between your folds, running his cock through your slick, before pushing into you. You both let out a moan, your arms reaching out for Hyunjin as he began to thrust into you.

“My baby,” Hyunjin cooed as he leaned down, your hands wrapping around his neck as you brought him closer to you.

Hyunjin slowly thrusted into you, taking his time, his cock dragging through your walls and hitting your sweet spot each time. You whined as he buried his face within your neck, placing sloppy kisses there, as he murmured his love for you.

You felt overwhelmed as he made love to you, the heat within your core building again. You clutched onto Hyunjin anywhere you could, his hair, his back, his waist as he brought sweet bliss upon you.

You reveled in the sound of both of you, as you breathed as one, punctuated with a low moan as he continued to rock into you. Hyunjin groaned each time your pussy made known how good he was fucking you, his hips stuttering as you squeezed around him.

“Come on angel, cum for me, be a good girl yeah?” Hyunjin moaned into your ear, his pace becoming more erratic as he got closer to his high.

You felt his cock twitch within you, your pussy clenching again and again, locking him in. You were blindsided as the coil within you snapped, your orgasm hitting you hard as you gasped, your pussy dripping with your arousal, drenching Hyunjin’s cock as he continued to fuck you through it.

Hyunjin let out a loud groan at the feel of your walls spasming around him, triggering his high, his cum spurting out within you, thoroughly coating your walls.

As you came down, you watched the man you love fall apart above you, a sight you will never get used to. He looked down at you, sweat dripping down his face, his hair disheveled as he thrusted his hips within you a few more times for good measure.

“Such beauty in your afterglow,” Hyunjin cooed as he pushed a strand of hair behind your ear and trailed a finger from your lips, down your chest, your breasts, your tummy, all the way down to your core.

He dragged his finger through some of the cum that was leaking around his cock that was still buried within your heat. Taking his soaked finger, he brought it to your lips, smiling as you opened and took the digit in.

You swirled your tongue around his finger, licking up the salty liquid, humming as you swallowed.

“Good girl,” Hyunjin praised as he withdrew his finger and his cock.

You whimpered at the emptiness, your arms reaching out for Hyunjin. He snuggled into your embrace, pressing sweet kisses all over your face.

“Stop baby,” you giggled, turning your head side to side.

“Nope, won’t stop angel,” Hyunjin teased as he continued his assault.

You both battled for a little while longer, the room filled with laughter as you both teased each other. Hyunjin settled down however and stared at you, almost as if he was staring into your soul.

“You know I love you right?” Hyunjin whispered, as he memorized your face for the millionth time.

“Mmhmm,” you said as you brushed your fingers through his hair. “And I love you.”

Hyunjin smiled at your confession as he leaned to press another kiss to your lips.

“Happy birthday,” he said as he rested his head on your chest.

This would be one of your best birthdays yet, filled with special moments with the man you love.

The days passed as Hyunjin prepared the competition. He was ready to win, ready to receive that prize so he could surprise you. He had a plan after all.

You helped him practice as much as possible, your nights spent at your place or his, snacks scattered around the table as Hyunjin paced the floors reciting the poem. You were sure he would win, as he improved greatly over the last few weeks.

You had to work the day of the competition, however, Hyunjin would meet you there before your shift ended.

“You got this babe,” you said to him as you left for your shift, giving him a smile as you walked out the door.

Your shift passed, your nerves getting the best of you as the time of the competition drew nearer. Ember showed up early, wanting to support your boyfriend and cheer him on.

You directed her to a table, so that way you both would have good seats for the night. It didn’t take long until Hyunjin showed up, handsomely dressed as always.

He smiled as he approached you. “Hi angel!” He gushed, his body radiating with excitement.

“Hi baby, ready?”

“Of course, gonna win this thing!”

You chuckled at his optimism. “Go sit, Ember saved us seats. I’ll be there soon.”

Hyunjin nodded and blew you a kiss before walking away, taking a seat next to your friend.

You finished your shift and clocked out, the time passing fairly quickly. You sat down next to Hyunjin and placed your hand on his giving it a squeeze. He seemed to be buzzing with enthusiasm, but deep down you knew he was nervous.

“You got this baby,” you whispered, giving his hand another squeeze.

Hyunjin smiled and relaxed, elated that you were there to cheer him on.

The event began in no time, the little cafe packed with patrons. You watched as contestant after contestant performed, their words filling the small space, and taking the listeners to a different place and time.

Before you knew it, it was Hyunjin’s turn. You and Ember cheered him on as he took his place on stage, his confidence oozing as he gazed at the crowd. You were captivated as he began to speak, the words reaching each person, telling a story of love and beauty.

Hyunjin maintained eye contact with each person, his voice raising and falling at the appropriate moments, his hands flowing in movements that helped tell the story.

You couldn’t take your eyes off of him and neither could anyone else. After he recited the last line, there was silence in the cafe as everyone recovered from the journey, before a thunderous applause rang out.

You grinned as you cheered enthusiastically, watching as your boyfriend bowed before walking back to your table.

“Good job babe!” You said as you kissed his cheek, the flesh reddening at the action as all eyes were on him.

As he was the last contestant, the award ceremony began shortly after his performance. You listened as your manager thanked everyone for being there to support these talented people as cheers rang out once more.

Once she was done with logistics, the time came to announce the winner. You held your breath as she slowly unfolded a piece of paper, your hand reaching out to hold on to Hyunjin’s.

She took a moment to read what was written before a smile broke out on her face.

“And the winner is….Hwang Hyunjin!”

Cheers rang out at the announcement, but loudest of all was you. You hugged Hyunjin tightly, tears forming in your eyes at his win.

Hyunjin stood up to go claim his prize, the loud uproar not dying down until he sat down.

“You did it!” You exclaimed, grasping his hands in yours.

Hyunjin beamed, his eyes shining as he tried not to cry.

“I did it for us love.” He said as he gazed into your eyes.

You cocked your head in confusion. “For us?” You inquired.

Hyunjin nodded as he handed you the prize he’d won. “Open it.”

You took the envelope from him and opened it, eyeing two pieces of paper nestled within. It took you a moment to notice what they were.

“Plane tickets?” You looked closer. “Oh! We’re going to Paris!” You exclaimed as you began bouncing on your seat.

“Yes we are angel,” Hyunjin said as he watched you dance in your seat.

Hyunjin needed to win this trip. He wanted to take you to Paris, the city of love, to shower you in love. He also had another plan up his sleeve, one that he had to keep secret for just a little longer.

His mind wandered to the little black box tucked away in his sock drawer, a beautiful diamond nestled in the velvet within. He knew you were the love of his life from that first day he saw you, sitting in the crowd listening to him speak.

You were his muse, his love, his everything; your aura radiating whispers of beauty.

He wouldn’t want to spend his life with nobody else but you. That he was sure of.

Taglist: @jehhskz @jeonginsleftcheek @simpforleeknaur @armystay89 @palindrome969 @slut4hee @ivydoesit23 @amarecerasus @kaysungshine @fun-fanfics @baby-stay92 @velvetmoonlght @possum-playground

[ladyloveandjustice]

You Didn't Need Your Old Shame- A Stephanie Brown fic

When I was a kid, I always wanted to write something about Steph's pregnancy, because DC kind of mostly ignored it after the storyline was over, and I think there's a lot of interesting things to explore. Including things Steph said during the actual storyline that were not. kind to herself.

So I ended up writing the little fic I was too intimidated to write as a kid to calm my brain down during work breaks. Preboot continuity.

Warning Steph says some shitty things about herself being pregnant and "responsibility" in this, but she is going to be challenged on it, and I'm trying to explore it.

The title of this is from the poem "What It was Like" by Catherine Klatzker. Read it here.

You Don't Need Your Old Shame

Ao3 Link

Sometimes Stephanie would come across a little girl on patrol, a child who was hurting and scared and alone, and it would hit like a truck. If this lost little girl looked anything like her, her mother, her father, Dean... Steph's blood would freeze and her stomach would roil.

“What if that's my baby?” The thought would eat into her brain. “She could be my baby. She’s the right age. Oh God, I've found my baby. I found my baby and she's suffering because of me."

She was usually able to hide the panic that welled up. That was the advantage of being a Bat, your partners were usually too emotionally dense to notice these things.

But she'd never been good at hiding anything from Cass.

Cass had spotted the little girl wedged behind the alley dumpster as they were grappling by. The kids was shaking, sickly purple bruises on her face. She didn't want to come out from this small space she'd made for herself between the dumpster and the brick wall.

The worst thing was they had no idea what had happened to her.

It could have been anything.

And her eyes were the same shape and color that Dean’s had been. Her nose was slightly crooked, just like Steph's. What if. What if. What if.

I should have protected you. I'm so sorry. I should have--

“Batgirl,” Cass muttered. “You okay?”

Stephanie swallowed. Her throat was like sandpaper. “Yeah.”

“Okay. Think it should be you that talks to her. I scare her.”

 Cass had a way scarier mask than Steph's, so calming down kids an uphill battle. She was right that Steph could probably get through to this child faster. So Steph crouched to the girl's level, shoving all her horrible, useless thoughts away. She had a job to do.

“Hey there,” Steph said as softly as she could. The little girl wedged herself farther back, eyes wide.

Stephanie pointed at her cowl. “Is this a little scary?”

The girl nodded, trembling. Steph looked back as Cass, who twitched her head slightly. confirming no one else was around. She pulled her cowl down.

“Hi. My name’s Batgirl. Can you tell me yours?”

“C-Carly.”

“Have you heard of Batgirl, Carly?”

“Fights…fights bad guys,” the girl said in a small voice.

“That’s right! Batgirl makes scary things go away. Are you hiding from something scary right now?”

Carly bit her lip and nodded.

“Well, scary things can’t get you now. We’ve got two whole Batgirls here.” Stephanie gestured back at Cass, who’d taken off her cowl as well, and was smiling at Carly. “We’d never let anyone hurt you. If you come out, we can help fix your boo-boos, ok?”

Carly nodded again and crawled forward, slowly, hesitantly. Steph held out her hand and she took it.

When Steph picked the girl up, Cass patted Carly on the shoulder, warm smile still in place. Carly gave a small, shaky smile back.

Steph’s eyes burned and she blinked it away quickly. This was stupid. It shouldn't hurt like this. Carly wasn’t hers, she couldn’t be hers. (Except she could be. The odds were very slim, but it wasn't impossible. Wasn't impossible at all).

The thought was like a dog chasing its own tail. It circled endlessly, never stilling. She just had to live with it.

They weren’t able to get the little girl to tell them much about what happened. She just clung to Steph, and Steph rubbed her back in gentle circles.

Cass called Babs, who told them she’d send a car to get her to one of the Wayne Foundation centers. A counselor would try to help her feel safe enough to say what happened, and they’d figure out where to go from there.

Because for all we know it could have been her parents. Or someone else who was supposed to protect her…a cop, a teacher, a…

Carly made a muffled noise, and Steph realized she was holding her too tight. Her arms were shaking.

 “You need a break?” Cass said. “I can hold her.”

Steph nodded without looking at Cass. “Carly, wanna snuggle with the other Batgirl too?”

The girl nodded and, when the car from the Wayne Foundation came, it was hard to pry her away from Cass. Her lip trembled.

“It’s okay,” Cass told her. “You’re brave. You can do this..”

“You’re safe with them,” Steph assured her. "Batgirls protect you from scary things, remember? We’ll come check on you later.”

With some coaxing, Carly finally let the driver take her away. She waved goodbye to Cass and Steph out the car window, and they waved back until the car was out of sight.

Cass turned to face Steph. “You’re not okay.”

Steph sighed. There was no hiding from Cass. And she could be very persistent. Steph had to nip this in the bud.

“I don’t want to talk about it, all right? Just let me be.” The words came out harsher than she intended, and she winced.

But Cass just looked at her solemnly. "Okay."

They grappled back to the Clocktower, and when they came inside, Cass abruptly suggested play some video games.

“Fine if you keep the music low,” Babs said, then turned back to disarming a nuclear bomb or whatever she was doing online this time.

Steph agreed, hoping it would take her mind off things. But it didn't. She kept drifting back to Carly. Her bruised face. Her shuddering. Her small voice. If Carly was her baby… she’d abandoned her to that fate. She might as well be the one who'd hit her. Steph's body felt heavy, and her reflexes were fumbling and slow. She watched herself crash and burn, over and over.

After Steph’s fifth consecutive loss, Cass looked over to her with a frown.

“You always tell me to talk, you know.”

Steph groaned. “Cass…”

“I know what you said. But you like to talk. You always better after you do it. Every time. I see it.”

Stephanie glowered at her, hating that she couldn’t argue against Cass’s all powerful body language abilities. “Fine," she spat. " You want to know? Carly reminded me of the baby I gave up! She reminded me of what a screw up I am! You happy?"

Cass frowned back at her in seeming confustion. “How did you screw up?"

“Huh?”

“Didn’t she get adopted? What was screwed up? You said that's what you wanted."

“I mean...it was for the best, yeah." Steph rubbed her eyes. "I would have been a bad mom, Dean sure as hell would have been a deadbeat, there's the issue of my dad... now she had a chance of having a good parent. But that’s the thing, if I'd been a fit mother, she wouldn’t have had to be—"

She remembered abruptly that Cass was adopted. And Tim. And Dick. And Jason.

“It’s not like with you and Bruce and Babs,” she said hastily. “You knew them before. Bad things can happen to adopted kids if the wrong parents--”

“I had the wrong parents. Wasn't adopted. Your dad was wrong too. Same for lots of people."

“You’re missing the point. Anything could be happening to her right now. She could be—"

“She’s been doing fine,” Babs interrupted. Steph jumped. She'd honestly forgotten Babs was in the room. She was still absorbed in some Oracle thing, her fingers flying over the keyboard, but apparently she'd been listening in.

“Um,” Stephanie stared at the back of her head. “How do you know?”

“Bruce told you she wouldn’t want for anything, right? He asked me to track her down.”

“He....” Stephanie blinked, dizzy. It took a a few seconds to get her clumsy tongue to form words again. “I, uh…sort of assumed he’d forgotten about that. Especially since I wasn’t really dead. And all.”

“He’s not a monster, Stephanie," Babs laughed. "He’s capable of basic decency sometimes.”

That was way more than basic decency, she wanted to say, but she could already picture Babs doing that twitch she did when she was irritated in response.

“Anyway, we watched her for quite a while. She really is doing fine. Her Moms are showing her a lot of love," Babs continued, still focused on three different monitors.

“Oh," Steph said. "Um. Well. I guess I’m…touched you stalked my kid so thoroughly?”

“No problem.”

She’s truly terrifying, Steph thought. But she also kind of wanted to hug Babs and cry forever.

“We’ve eased up on surveillance, but don’t worry, I’ve got the system keeping up with her medical records. If something ever comes up, she’ll be getting the best resources.”

"I...see." Steph licked her dry lips. "Great. Cool. Good to hear."

“I can give you some details, if you want. Her name and so on.”

Steph shook her head. “It’s…better for me not to know. It was a closed adoption for a reason.”

“I understand. But if you freak out and think a child might be yours again, just call me and I can tell you whether she is or not. You shouldn’t agonize for no reason,” Babs shrugged.

“Thanks…” Steph gulped. “That means a lot, Babs."

“You can pay me back by not talking the way you were just now. It was irritating me."

Yeah, yeah, I know we’re distracting you--"

“I don’t mean that. I mean—"

"I don’t think you’d be a bad mom,” Cass interrupted abruptly. Her expression was far off, and Steph had a feeling she' d been spaced out the past several seconds.

Steph was thrown by this swerve the conversation when she was still reeling the last sharp turn. “What are you—"

 “You’re good with kids. They like you. You calm them down. I can’t.”

“Kids like you too, Cass,” Stephanie sighed. “It’s just your mask….”

“You’re good with Damian.” Cass cut her off.

“More patient with him than I can be, that’s for sure,” Babs grumbled.

“What are you two talking about?” Steph felt like Cass and Babs were living in some alternate dimension at this point. “We bicker all the time. He likes you way more, Cass.”

Cass shook her head. “He likes fighting. With words. Likes doing that with you. He doesn’t do that with me much. You two…play together. It’s not real fighting. It’s…” she trailed off, doing that little grabbing gesture she always did when she was trying to find the words.

“Banter,” Babs supplied. “You two banter.”

“Yes. You two banter. Me and you, we can do that, but with him, I’m not good at it.”

“Yeah,but that’s because he secretly mostly respects you.” It was true that Cass just tended to just... not respond when Damian sent barbs her way. Mostly she just looked at him with an amused expression, like he was a tiny dog yapping at her feet. So he insulted her less than he did others. Steph had been sure that indicated favoritism toward her.

“He always chooses you for patrols," Cass pointed out. "If Dick’s not around. He likes talking to you. And you can make him do kid things. Like you do with me. Around you, he’s not as…” she stiffened and frowned in a perfect impersonation of Damian when he was wound up tight.

“Tense,” Stephanie laughed. “I guess, maybe.”

“You take care of him too. Look after him. You and Dick remember that he’s a kid, and the others forget sometimes.”

“I can confirm Damian has you very high on the ranking of people he cares about,” Babs said wryly. “Apparently Jon once asked him who his favorite person was, and he decided to respond to this by making a list of “Who would emotionally inconvenience me the most if they died”. Dick stole it and shared it with me against my will.”

Yeah, totally, it was against your will. Number one privacy respecter Barbara Gordon.

“Okay, now I have to know all about this. How dare Dick only share it with you and not me. I will have vengeance," she said.

Babs looked over her shoulder and rolled her eyes. “He listed all his pets first of course, then next was Talia*, then Dick--and yes, Dick did whine about being listed after the kid’s actual mother-- then Alfred, then Bruce.”

“Bruce was fourth place? Ouch. And he based that one on experience, too.”

“You were after that. He put “unfortunately” beside it, but he did that for most of us.”

“Really? I would have thought either Cass or you after those four. Was Tim at the bottom?”

“Ra’s was, actually. Only one he put 'probably would not care at all' next to.

“Aww, see, I always tell Tim he likes him deep down!” Steph laughed.

It was silly, but she was feeling warm inside, imagining Damian making his ridiculously morbid and twisted little list, putting on his overly serious little thinking face, and putting her relatively high on the list after a lot of grumbling. He'd probably erased names over and over, tweaking everyone’s ranking, obsessed over getting it absolutely right. She was going to give the little weirdo an affectionate noogie next time she saw him.

“So see? You’d be a good mom.”

They’d veered so far off track now, Steph had almost forgotten the original argument. She had to take a second to regroup. “You guys are forgetting that lots of people are good with kids but not parent material. But okay, fine, maybe when I was thirty or something I could have been a decent Mom. But I wasn’t ready. I was too young. It wouldn’t have been pretty.”

“Okay. So why is that bad?”

Steph gritted her teeth. The worst thing was Cass didn’t even sound argumentative, just curious, like she genuinely was having a hard time following Steph’s logic. “It’s bad because I shouldn’t have fucked Dean and gotten pregnant if I wasn’t ready—”

“So, if I had a baby in me,” Cass cut, patting her stomach. “And didn’t want to be Mom. Would you be mad at me?”

Steph blinked at her. She’d honestly never considered this possibility. She couldn’t even picture it. “I…”

“Would you be mad? Would you tell me it was bad?”

It was mortifying, imagining herself judging Cass like that. In fact, she wanted to punch that version herself in the face. Punch anyone who would say that to Cass in the face.

“I mean, no? It’s your ch—Oh.” She narrowed her eyes, “I see what you’re doing. Look, it’s different for me. You know how I am, I screw up all the time, and I let myself off the hook, I’ll just keep doing it. That’s why I need to take responsibility—"

“Stephanie,” Babs said harshly, wheeling around so suddenly Steph jumped. “Look, I don't want to preach ton you, but the way you’re talking is really annoying me. I’ve had friends in your position before, and if anyone said all this nonsense to them or you, they’d never know a moment’s peace. So listen up.”

Stephanie knew she had no chance of stopping this incoming tirade. She’d just have to hope she survived the onslaught.

“ Point one,” Babs said, adjusting her glasses. “You did something you regret, but that’s not the same as doing something wrong. Point two, you did take responsibility. And it would have been the same for whatever you chose. Abortion, putting the child up adoption, keeping the child…all of those are taking responsibility in their own way.” Babs held up her hand when Steph tried to protest. “At the end of the day, are you really talking about taking responsibility or about punishing yourself?”

“Babs—”

“Hell, I don’t know the answer to that. That’s for you to decide. Like I said, I don’t want to lecture—"

“Not true. You love lecturing us,” Cass cut in happily.

Barbara pointedly ignored her. “But for the record, you didn’t do anything that deserves punishment. That’s all. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got work to do,” she said testily, like she hadn’t been the one who’d inserted herself into this conversation. She spun her wheelchair back around and resumed her typing.

Steph just stared at Barbara’s back. She was feeling so many things at once it was hard to pick them out. Was she annoyed? Touched? Dumbfounded?

She remembered distantly when a school counselor had mentioned abortion to her. She’d been so mad. But at what? She'd known, deep down. She hadn’t really been mad at the counselor. She’d been mad because she thought she shouldn’t get to opt out of pregnancy.

“It was my choice. I have to suffer the consequences. I deserve it.”

Babs was saying that was wrong.

Nobody had ever said that to her before.

It made her feel…something.

She wasn’t sure what.

 Cass tapped her on the shoulder.

“You okay?”

“Yeah.” Steph’s voice was shaky, but she cleared her throat. “I’m just surprised at the hypocrisy of Babs suggesting it’s bad to punish yourself. Isn’t that our gang’s favorite pastime?”

Babs snorted.

Cass smirked. “You really want to punish yourself? Let’s play rooftop tag. You can bet a thousand dollars you win. And go broke.”

“See, you need to say this shit to Damian. He’ll swear vengeance and never leave you alone, promise.’

“Don’t want to crush a child.”

“Eh, he can always use some humbling.”

“It’s ours, anyway”, Cass said softly. “Rooftop tag.”

A wave of affection for Cass washed all the doubt in Steph's heart away. She slung her arm around her best friend. “That’s right. Okay, yeah, end of argument, you’re on.”

It would probably take a long time to pick through all that had been said today. The guilt had been part of her for so long she wasn't sure she could reason it away as easily as they did. She wasn't sure she could ever fully buy the idea she didn't need it.

But they really believed that. It made her heart squeeze.

Maybe she could pretend to be them once in a while. Look at herself and see someone who hadn't failed. Just for a little bit. Just to try it out.

So as she jumped out the window after Cass, as she shot her grapple, she imagined the smile Carly had given her and Cass. She imagined a little girl who was happy somewhere, and parents who were glad to love her. She imagined herself as someone who wasn't burdened by the choice she'd made, because she knew she'd done the best she could, because her life was her own to decide. She imagined her shame flying away on unsteady wings.

It would come back, it always did, but for this one moment, she could live without it.

For this one moment she was was soaring. She was weightless.

She was free.

---

Author's notes (apparently I am incapable of not rambling):

*I am obviously rejecting Grant Morrison Talia, hence the high ranking. She has her original characterization in this fic world.

-This was mostly meandering dialogue but I hope it was enjoyable anyway. I tried not to make it too preachy, but there was a lot of stuff I wanted to fit in there (honestly the Damian thing was just. I thought of it and thought it was funny and a nice break from heavy emotions) and lots of things I think Steph deserves to hear that I do honestly think Cass and Babs would tell her.

(Also the reason I had Steph and Cass both be Batgirl was entirely because of the mask thing.)

-So, yeah, Chuck Dixon's politics definitely influenced Steph's pregnancy storyline, and the whole "how dare you suggest an abortion, I was the one who was stupid, the baby shouldn't pay for it" scene was just him doing some conservative soapboxing (as was Tim claiming a baby is better off with two parents, wild claim from a boy currently being raised by a single parent whose closest friends all have single parents, Steph included. (Though technically Tim had Dana come in pretty quickly).

But I do think it was somewhat in character, entirely accidentally, because Steph honestly has a lot of self-loathing, it's a consistent thing that comes up with her, and I think that's why she'd see this as her screw up she needed to pay for. Dixon agreed with her self loathing, but I instead find it sad but interesting to play with. Especially since I can't see her talking about someone she loves like that.

-It is unclear how Steph learned her baby was a girl, since it was a closed adoption and she requested not to see the baby before it happened, but according to War Games she does somehow. I usually ignore War games when I can, but I wanted to actually follow up on Bruce's promise, which never came up again.

-In early draft, Babs indicates abortion is not evil indirectly, because I thought being direct would getting too up in Steph's business, or too soapbox-y, but I was like. Babs wouldn't dance around it if she wanted to say something about abortion. She'd just say it. And if Dixon got to soapbox, why can't I? At least I'm actually centering Steph here, and doing this out of love for the character.

It's tricky subject matter but I hope I did okay! Thanks for reading.

[captain-huggy-bear]

Hi! Can I request "Not to be dramatic, but... I would jump off a cliff for you." With keifer Sherwood? 💋💋congrats!!!

Am I still the only person on this app who's written for Kiefer? If I am ya'll need to sort yourselves out and write for my homeboy. 1000 Followers Celly Currently ongoing 🥳🎉 (please read the rules ends 21st April 2025) Big requests/full fic/big idea requests are closed at the moment but drabble and prompt requests are still open. Writing Masterlist

It's one of those lazy summer days, the sort of warm summers day where Kiefer and yourself had found a spot by the local lake, laid a picnic blanket and some pillows down and decided to just relax. Curling up together near the water, napping and eating the snacks you'd brought out to the lake with you.

The season being over brought time together, moments like this, your cheek pressed into his bare chest, the sun warming his skin and you as you blink lazily. Your eyes following your finger as it draws patterns and shapes across his skin. Kief with his arms behind his head, eyes closed, face tilted towards the sun like a human sunflower.

There's such a rush of affection that fills you as you watch him, such love. You adore him...you adore everything whether it's the long season, the nights when you miss him or the way he smiles, how his hair curls perfectly without much effort. You think you could probably write a book of poems just about your feelings for Kiefer.

You sigh out happily, contentedly as you look at him, "Not to be dramatic, but... I would jump off a cliff for you."

Kief pops open one eye, looking down at you with an amused smile. His beard had grown further, to the point you knew he'd shave it soon, reaching the point where he starts to find it annoying, irritating.

"You'd jump off a cliff for me? In this scenario am I also off the cliff?"

"Yes and I'm jumping because I can't let you do it alone." You're being dramatic obviously, the reality is you'd probably not jump off a cliff after Kief, but you would cry...a lot. But, he doesn't need to know that.

"Have you pushed me off the cliff, princess?"

"No!" You shove yourself off his chest, palms flat as you look down on him offended that he'd even suggest that you'd shove him off a cliff when you were trying to be sweet and affectionate. "How could you suggest that?"

"Well...sometimes you get this look in your eyes...pure evil." He's grinning at you, teeth on full display, eyes crinkling, amusement evident.

"Kief! That's so mean! I'm here saying I'd die for you and you're suggesting i'd murder you?!"

"Hey, might not be murder. You're pretty clumsy, could also be manslaughter, sweetheart." You flop back down on top of him, putting your weight a little heavier so that he's winded slightly.

"I hate you.". You mumble into his skin, pressing your face into him as you pout at him. Kiefer's hand finds its way into your hair, fingers pressing and rubbing circles into your neck and scalp that has you melting against him.

"No you don't." Unfortunately, he's right...you don't. You don't think you could hate Kiefer even if you tried...even if he did something horrible. You love him too much.

[catboybiologist]

im the trans woman who apparently believes in transandrophobia, if that's how im gonna go down in history now (kidding), and i wanted to say, sorry for the loooong manuscript but. that thing about dropping out and everything, i do feel that. i graduated high school with 100/100 (veeeeery gratuitous i definitely didn't deserve it and yet some girls in my class who deserved more got like, 98 or 95). anyway. enrolled in physics right after high school, knowing i wasn't anything special but still too confident on my abilities

i ""cracked"" a couple months later and decided to drop off physics, switch to languages and try all over again. after three years in languages, only half my exams taken, and so much weed smoked, i dropped off again, enrolled in classic literature, but then i was immobile for a whole year, no exams given no nothing. now im still in literature, technically first year although it's like my SIXTH year in university, although maybe things are finally starting to go well. not bad for someone who, as a boy, almost never got an insufficient grade

what I'm trying to say is i understand that feeling of transitioning and then suddenly everything feels going to shit in weird ways that you fear will inevitably be blamed on transitioning. and that's also true probably i dunno. it's scary to think about it but it's also kinda… useless? at the end of the day we're all alone in this earth, we and the choices we made. it's like that robert frost poem, we're enthralled to think that that one single choice determined all the bad things. maybe id have dropped off even without cracking who knows

Yeah...

idk. I can reflect on it a lot on how shit has gone south since I transitioned. But LOTS of things have also gotten better.

The general peace I've made is this: transitioning did not fuck up my life. I was building up a series of low, simmering fuckups that were killing me pretransition, and I finally reached a breaking point and decided I needed to fix my life.

Standing up to people who were horrible for my life, transitioning, getting my ADHD diagnosis, and untethering my self worth from academic achievement were all necessary steps I needed to take if I was going to live past the age of 25- and I did them all at once, when I reached that one breaking point.

Two years have passed since the "summer I got my shit together" and my life has been more up, down, and chaotic in those two years than most of the time before it. On the net, its been good. Better than good. I feel like an actual complete person now, and have experienced so much joy.

But holy shit, I'm not gonna lie, its been rough. But transitioning wasn't what caused it. Living my life like I was a hollow shell of a human being was what caused it, and there's just been more chaos because I fixed that.

That's what I know to be true. But its hard to tell myself that sometimes.

[t1metravel]

DONNIE DARKO HEADCANONS

౨ৎ my personal collection, will add to this list over time

౨ৎ tw! some headcanons may include sensitive topics, they will be separated from the rest of the headcanons & listed at the bottom :)

last updated 5/5/25

-if modern day donnie had tiktok, he would stitch people’s videos with a video of him calling them stupid, or just staring blankly at the camera

-he cuddles a pillow and holds his own hand to go to sleep when gretchen isn’t there :(((

-speaking of gretchen he tickles her just to fuck with her

-he chews on the tip of his pencils when he’s thinking really hard abt something

-he bites the inside of his cheek when he’s nervous

-horrible stutter. this one is sorta canon bc he does stutter in the movie but when you get to really know him he doesn’t mask it as often

-he struggles with spelling some words. there’s a few words he can never remember how to spell, but good thing for him i headcanon gretchen to always the best at the spelling bee. so she can help him :)

-aside from sleepwalking this guy makes a lot of noises in his sleep. sometimes even talking in full sentences.

-was in art class. he tried pottery but, let’s just say, making mugs isn’t his strong suit. he’d rather sketch what goes on in his head. (me too)

-speaking of art, he draws gretchen quite often!!

-same with writing poems about her. he has such a way with words

-this is shown in the movie, but donnie often rambles about whatever interests him or whatever is on his mind to whoever he can feel comfortable with. he doesn’t realize it sometimes, but when he does it to gretchen she’s the only person who doesn’t tell him to stop or be quiet. she sits there and listens and loses herself in him

-he’s got pages upon pages in his journal that are barely understandable. he’s the type of person who’s handwriting gets worse depending on how upset they are at the time of writing. you can tell when he’s just seen frank in some of his entries, even if he doesn’t bring it up.

-will wear the same t shirt multiple days in a row i’m sorry (it’s probably that dumb blue one :3)

-shoves his papers haphazardly in his bag in school. this man hasn’t touched a folder in his life

-speaking of school, he’s really good in one subject and horrible in the other. there’s no in between.

-i also like to think donnie often went nonverbal as a kid but he went to therapy for it early on

——————————————————

-i ‘like’ to think his hallucinations got so bad he attempted. or at least almost did. the gun he found, he took it and biked off to that one spot on the road where you can see the sky so well. he was almost at his demise, but someone thought he was sleepwalking again and told him to go home.

[ilions-end]

🎵 guess who finished the argonautica by apollonius of rhoooodes 🎵

the peter green translation served me well and i enjoyed the sizable commentary section, although it probably influenced my interpretation more than i'd like for a first read (green is VERY opinionated and also hilariously bitchy about scholars he disagrees with. the first time i've read such a sarcastic translator's commentary!)

BUT ANYWAY THE EPIC ITSELF:

iiiii have never felt this much anxiety reading an epic before?? there's an ambiguity and sense of danger in this poem's events that aren't necessarily WORSE than in other epics, but there's a feeling that i can't... actually trust the heroes involved. the argonauts are rowdy and reactive, and jason is NOT able to take charge of them -- he shrinks away and goes silent whenever his leader position is called into question. the mob rules, whoever shouts the loudest (often telamon!) in any given situation gets to decide, no thought of consequences.

or maybe reading about a main character who wants to do great things but suffers from debilitating conflict avoidance is a little too real. agh.

(and it's not like the thebaid! you can't trust the heroes in the thebaid either but their hubris and egos makes them PREDICTABLE. there's something unnervingly ambiguous and potentially unsafe about jason and his argonauts, even though they never get up to anything truly horrible. in this version anyway)

jason is incredibly intriguing -- even at his most unlikeable. it's like he tripped and fell into a story he doesn't belong in, he's so awkwardly miscast as a great greek hero and can't live up to the poem's own hype. he's described as heroic at every turn even when he's not actually being heroic, like in an INCREDIBLE passage as he fights the dragon teeth warriors and he's said to "valiantly hide behind his shield". LOOK AT THAT PHRASE!! HE'S BRAVELY COWERING. incredible writing. apollonius is genuinely a master of subtle sarcasm throughout.

like it says a lot that there are MANY variations of the line "but Jason, eyes fixed on the ground, sat there speechless, unmoving, at a loss in this crisis". and baby there are a lot of crises in an epic...

also maiden-coded jason still makes me vibrate! his frequently downcast gaze, his shy passivity, how delicately his body is described, the way he is a sexual object to pursue instead of the pursuer, how unusually tactile he is... one of the most memorable parts to me is when he finally gets the golden fleece, and what does he do? he doesn't raise it above his head in triumph, he doesn't wrap it around himself like a glorious cape and stride to address his men. he disengages completely and, spellbound, pets it and caresses it and combs his fingers through it in almost erotic delight. just. immediate zoned-out personal gratification, we're hitting masturbation parallels, no other greek hero would DO that!

which also makes it interesting that they use the fleece as bedding for their wedding night. i wonder which one jason enjoys lying with most, medea or the fleece...?

yeah so when medea appeared suddenly allllll my affection for jason evaporated. i'm not one of those "yay medea butchering her children is girl power actually!!" girlies (that's five hundred times too reductive a way to engage with a greek tragedy for me), i was prepared for whatever kind of medea apollonius would give me, but WOW SHE IS SO INCREDIBLY SYMPATHETIC (and intentionally so, see how she isn't even the one to kill her brother in this), she is SO ill-treated here. it's SHE who undoubtedly is the gods' plaything in this, not jason!

like how HORRIBLE her experience of being obsessively in love is! (turns out getting shot by eros' arrow is a psychological and emotional NIGHTMARE!!) how painfully aware she is of her own irrationality, how intense her inner life is. at one point she thinks so much about jason all night that she self-induces a (shockingly realistically described) migraine! she loves him so much she wants to kill herself instead of feeling something so intense and unpleasant and overwhelming. JESUS CHRIST it's so evocative.

she torches her whole life, her own safety, her own family for jason, and all he can do (after a lot of pushing) is murmur vague promises. it's HEARTBREAKING the utter helplessness she accepts to live in for him. there is no safety net for her, no way to regain safety if things go wrong (and you are so painfully aware that things WILL go wrong)

generally the argonautica feels more closely related to the odyssey than any of the other epics i've read. not just all the sailing, but the centrality of magic, and of course visiting a lot of the same places -- including the court of alcinous and arete before they had nausicaa (and arete is already the one in charge!)

more moments i keep thinking about:

that first lovely glimpse of the inherent dysfunction of the expedition as the argonauts have gathered for the first time ready for departure, and jason delivers a speech like "men! now that *I*, jason son of aeson, have arranged MY glorious expedition so that *I* can find the glorious fleece and win MY kingdom back, who do we all figure should be captain? 😉" and all the argonauts immediately start chanting "HE-RA-CLES! HE-RA-CLES! HE-RA-CLES!" it's so funny

heracles' role is generally so amazing, what contrast he offers! because HE IS the old-school hero who can do anything, fight any enemy, who has everyone's ear (if not respect -- he seems to be a LOT to handle, even for the other argonauts), who can LEAD. but they FORGET HIM ON AN ISLAND AND LEAVE HIM BEHIND, and now jason, tripped-and-fell-into-epic-heroism jason!, gotta be fully in charge and timidly face every obstacle himself.

i genuinely didn't know hylas getting abducted by the nymphs was from this myth! AND HE'S HERACLES' LOVER, actually the eromenos to heracles' erastes?? and heracles LOSES HIS SHIT TO AN ANIMALISTIC DEGREE at the loss of hylas. this is why none of the other guys brought along their boytoys, dude, this is a disaster.

i REALLY appreciated the introductory rollcall of EVERY argonaut (even if half of them were never mentioned by name again). i always wish we had something like that for odysseus' main crew in the odyssey. it's nice having that overview.

one of the most memorable glimpses into the lives of the gods i've read: eros and ganymede in the garden, playing knucklebones together under the shade of flowering trees and they're both so youthful and so inhumanly beautiful and the scene is so idyllic -- and then aphrodite stomps in and immediately snaps at her son "what are you grinning at, you unspeakable little horror?" she HATES that spoiled teen. it's zeus and ares all over again.

speaking of gods, that one time the argonauts make landfall, and in the distance they see apollo just walking across the land (each footstep thundering) and they're scared stiff and just wait until he's fully passed by... and then can finally get on with their business. no followup, no consequences, just a random incident to freak them out. it reads like an animal encounter, like they saw a huge bear on a hike, i'm obsessed.

i got jumpscared any time the text mentioned "the son of oineus". i'm like WHAT. TYDEUS?? but no, meleager's here, it's fine.

as i mentioned, jason is the one who murders absyrtus (although medea isn't uninvolved) but i'm particularly fascinated by how neutrally we're told about the rituals he performs to not be cursed for it. like there's our wondrous hero, cutting off his murder victim's hands and feet, lapping up the blood and spitting it in the corpse's mouth three times. all done, welp, time we were on our way!

circe can see at first glance that she and medea are related because they both have the sun god's golden eyes, i love that!. and THEN THEY SPEAK TO EACH OTHER IN COLCHIAN, WHICH JASON DOESN'T SPEAK. he's sitting right there and i love that he doesn't understand what these incredibly powerful women are talking about.

obsessed with how jason is described as "walking like the morning star" (bright, promising, bringing good fortune) on lemnos and is then likened to a star of destruction and woe as he's about to meet medea for the first time. aaaaa it's so good.

the argonauts being challenged to a boxing match, and I GUESSED CORRECTLY that they would choose polydeuces as their champion!! i am embarrassingly proud actually. i did not know there was a boxing match (to the DEATH) in the argonautica but i KNEW polydeuces was famous for his boxing.

also i love that when they get to the garden of the hesperides it's a WRECK because heracles was there THE DAY BEFORE!!!! what an incredible sense of time and place, only seeing the IMMEDIATE AFTERMATH of the labours of heracles.

it's so WEIRD when the argonauts get to libya and they're out of supplies so they all just immediately give up and cry and hug and lie down in the sand to die. until the local goddesses come like "JESUS ARE YOU FOR REAL WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU GIVING UP NOW. GET GOING FOR FUCK'S SAKE."

oh ancient texts, i will never get used to your incestuous dreams of good fortune (no it's GOOD that he cried with shame for passionately fucking his daughter in his dream, that's a very lucky dream to have apparently).

and then apollonius just signs off like "yeah i know they're not home yet but i promise nothing interesting happened after this point. THE END." like he's just NOT gonna touch whatever fuckery happens after, you wanted the argonauts well you GOT the argonauts.

[meirimerens]

Do you have recommendations on reading sth more experimental? 👀

fair warning a lot of the experimental shit i've read i've read in art school context so i have no idea if the classmates who made it published it somewhere + it is kinda hard to recommend experimental shit by virtue of it being experimental so i'm going to rec stuff that i consider like. "mainstream" experimental as in yeah an author wrote this. also the "actually unconventional" bar is pretty low starting from the stuff i was moaning about so well also ☝ love pushing upon people books i've read + i know for a fact i've pushed them before lollll so

mainstream as it goes: House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski. like you know?

unconventional in essence through shape. it is one book of ergodic literature and if you dig into ergodic literature you will find unconventionality that's kinda Its Thing. i understand by standards for "unconventional prose/pacing" get pretty high once you've put your eyes on this but like. i got more conventional in shape that still are unconventional in prose of pacing.

still mainstream-ish? if you're French? she was an author well-known and important in her time and place (she's still alive it's just that she was important as an author of the literary feminist wave in the 60s & 70s), Anankè by Hélène Cixous. i've read it in french and have no idea how it fares in english (or translated otherwise) but if you want unconventional pacing and prose you're getting unconventional pacing and prose. it is full to the brim with homonyms (hence why idk how it fares in english), of subject-to-attribute uncouplings (a verb conjugated for "I", a subject as "she"), words straight up made the fuck up through homonymy (like "téléfaune", from téléphone and faune [faun/satyr]). some sentences are 2 full pages long, reading them feels like trying to ride out an engine startle. it has no plot, it is about an internal trip, a self-actualization from girl to woman, or from chaperoned woman to free woman. you don't read this for plot, you read this to feel like you've traveled with your head through the open window, and for the imagery, god the imagery i find so very great. unlikely associations, quite sensorial. it's a short book but i've needed multiple tries to get through it because, as i've said, the long sentences feel like trying to hold onto a hand-cranked engine start. the pacing feels cyclical, like an endless stop and start, expressing the internal conflict. you have to hold onto it.

mainstream-ish again if you're french, Le Corps Lesbien [The Lesbian Body] by Monique Wittig. it's one of those where if you're not on that crazy shit you're gonna get yucked, it is endlessly violent in grotesque ways that make you horribly aware of all the anatomical details of your body. it alternates horrible and grotesque neverending violence with horrible and grotesque neverending tenderness (& sometimes neverending tenderness in/through grotesque violence or vice-versa). another one of those where the english translation cannot truly do it justice because french has "elles [female plural they]" and "ils [male plural they]" and wittig goes out of her way to never use ils [french has "masculine as default" grammatical gender]. in the french text, "je" (subject "I") is cleaved in twain: "j/e". In english, they've just italicized it; i think they'd have done well to use something like the polish ł to figure it. anyways barely a plot either. cyclical destruction in grotesque ways that both are anatomical impossible and yet horrifyingly anatomically-anchored. re:the violence in this i'm sure if you've read like. "extreme horror" novels by whichever male author of the month it is you probably won't flinch but i've read this after a long streak of nonfiction & poetry.

i think a bit less mainstream because i've been told about it in art school lol after i had partaken in a collective performance and my stuff had for base a poem about a roadkill that neverendingly dies then is reborn only to die again anyways Jaguar Harmonics by Anne Waldman. closer to poems than literature-in-prose (even if it is in prose instead of rhyme) it is about/from the yagé (ayahuasca) ritual by waldman, poet & buddhist & activist who brings in the text a lot of subjects and themes (the anthropocene, colonization, environmental and feminist concerns,...). it is poetry, so technicallyyyyyyy unconventional by nature as far as literature goes, + spoken poetry at that, i know for a fact there is a bandcamp where you can listen to the poems spoken/sung.

what else. since i'm on the topic of poetry check out Guillaume Apollinaire's Calligrammes i guess

you'll hate me for bringing it up again + it's poetry also againnnn LOL but The Oresteia as transladaptated by Tony Harrison. i find it's great english it uses words that brother i've never seen used. and i loooooove a made-up compound word the people know this about me. let's liven this shit up let's make words up!

French has l'Oulipo ("Ouvroir de littérature potentielle", "opener of potential literature") with representatives such as Raymond Queneau who made a book of poems that looks like this

OH AND HE MADE "EXERCISES DE STYLE" which i quite like also (99 times the same story written with different stylistic/literary constraints)

[quiinncherie]

Yes, Merlin is morally gray and definitely had horrible decisions but she’s not the most evil being to walk the universe like some people paint her to be.

Listen, I’m not denying Merlin is selfish but why does the whole fandom keep ignoring the fact that she genuinely loves knowledge to the point of obsession (stopping her own time so there would be no limit for her to continue exploring knowledge) and reduce her whole motive to just “being unable to handle a rejection”? Ok, she had a crush on Meliodas (puppy love typa thing let’s be honest) and since she also loves/cannot hate Elizabeth (and this proves she doesn’t have a love brain like y’all want her to), she chose to immerse herself in knowledge, a healthy coping mechanism if ya ask me. Then she found out about chaos and started looking into it. By the point the events in the manga happened, she had already invested 3000 years into uncovering chaos. Now imagine you start a passion project that grows way out of hand, and you have spent too many years to just quit and not get the results. This is what Merlin meant when she said “too late” in my opinion (partly this and partly that she wished she had had someone like Escanor 3000 years ago when she was so hungry for dedicated affection). Merlin is the sin of Gluttony for a reason. Greed is wanting more; gluttony is overconsuming, overindulgence to the point of self destruction. Her actions are always one part cold pragmatism and one part sentimental. It’s cold when she said Escanor was an intriguing test subject. But then she did an incredibly sentimental thing by giving him a kiss, scarring herself permanently as a memorial to him so Escanor is carved into her very skin and she would always remember him whilst people jeered at her for “wasting a pretty face”.

Now onto the next part that I think people are too hard on her for, just slow down and put yourself in Merlin’s shoes. So she helped this guy, and she looked like the only female figure who has ever shown him kindness. Wouldn’t Merlin think she might just be an alive version of Rosa to him? Escanor was probably aware of this, which is why he said “I have always loved you. And I know it's not only because you remind me so much of Rosa”. And seeing how many of y’all keep refusing that it’s Merlin who was with Escanor in chapter 192 but Rosa instead (which is dumb bc only Merlin has that mole and the Japanese text literally says “Merlin”) shows how real this concern is. I love Escalin and I think they should get married, but she is not inclined to return his feelings.

Yes, Escanor wrote many many many poems dedicated to her, and all of the words show how much he worshiped her. But this is bad, because then Merlin wouldn’t think he genuinely loves her (until his confession I reckon, you could see the surprise in her eyes when she realized just how forgiving his love is) and that he was probably mistaking savior worshiping for love. Just look at how Escanor described Merlin, sounds a bit too perfect and um well not exactly accurate:

Her being kind is debatable I guess since she was kinda always nice to him (which proves she did care about him btw)

But cheerful?? Does this mean Merlin smile more in front of Escanor?

It’s a shame really. I wonder what could have gone differently if Escanor had confessed his deep feelings for her sooner, maybe even back when they weren’t wanted criminals yet. Maybe he wouldn’t have become collateral damage to her plans. I hate how the anime portrayed their farewell kiss, the manga did it so much better. I’m not a big fan of how emotionless she is in the anime compared to the melancholy and the sinking realization that she couldn’t back down anymore. How her eyes looked so sad in the manga but the anime missed the mark completely.

Another harsh assumption is that Merlin tried to kill Elizabeth. No, she can teleport Elizabeth quick enough there won’t be a scrape. Reactivating her curse sounds extreme but even if Merlin hadn’t done it, Elizabeth would probably still encounter some near-death experience in purgatory and that would reactive her curse too (still don’t really get how this works as some said Merlin needs to have the power equivalent to a god to reactivate her curse? But personally I think Merlin managed to do it because the demon king isn’t dead yet). And also the curse required Meliodas to “watch” her die so technically since he wasn’t watching, Elizabeth wouldn’t die.

Anyway, Merlin is selfish and I still love her. God forbid a woman has hobbies (literally lol).

Ya know in retrospect, Merlin bringing Escanor back is a perfect example of her gluttonous side where she doesn’t want to lose the very person who loves her unconditionally despite everything.

[vinsm0ke-niji]

SANJI HEADCANONS (PART 1)

THE SILLY PART(?)

I promised he would get his very own post and now I am here to deliver! Fun fact: He was my first fictional crush… at least in terms of anime/manga.

I’m also either making separate playlists or one singular big playlist (finding good transitions would be fun I think?) for the Vinsmokes, very indecisive about that but I’ll definitely share what I’m making.

PREVIOUS POST: Vinsmoke Siblings HCs

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♯┆SANJI:

- For the longest time I’ve headcanonned him to be FTM (although I really like MTF headcanons too) and bisexual. He tries to be in denial, trying to convince others that he does NOT like men but he fails horribly at that.

- Music wise he strikes me as a jazz enjoyer, as well as new wave and some form of pop. Some artists that come to mind when I think about Sanji are Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Falco, David Bowie and Hubert Kah. Similar to Ichiji he is also a theatre kid.

- He definitely cries while watching movies or reading books and it doesn’t take a lot for him to do so.

- Additionally he would for sure put on cooking shows or random documentaries as background noise for whatever he is doing.

- And to add to the cooking show thing; Sometimes when he’s alone in the kitchen, and in a particularly chatty mood, he starts narrating. Also talks to the ingredients.

- He makes mixtapes for people he likes and cares about but never gives them to said people.

- Tends to over-apologize whenever he thinks he’s upset someone, even if they’re not actually mad.

- Insomniac tendencies and a very light sleeper. When he does fall asleep though he ends up sleep talking.

- Has a very in-depth skincare routine but when asked about it he says “Oh I just use water and some soap.”

- While we know he smells like tobacco and seafood there is also hints of citrus peels, sandalwood and sea salt.

- Occasionally tries wearing eyeliner. I can also see him wearing black nail polish but y’know… food and hygiene regulations and stuff 💔😔 so that’s not possible.

- Has a small collection of both vintage and particularly interesting looking lighters and his outfits need to match whatever lighter he carries with him at the moment.

- Writes lots poems in his spare time, about any topic he can think of. Gets too shy to show them to anyone (except maybe Nami and Robin) though…

- He adores not just ducks but also swans and pigeons and gets really defensive when someone talks ill about pigeons 💔 making sure they know just how great these birds actually can be.

- Sometimes he believes he doesn’t deserve any of the kindness and love he is receiving, that he hasn’t earned it. But he still ends up giving those things to others without hesitation.

- One of the knuckles on his right hand is slightly crooked due to a break that never healed properly (projecting).

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End of Part 1… I will probably write more about him but I wanted to get at least something posted before I go to bed (and I am dangerously close to falling asleep as we speak).

Hope you, dear person reading this, enjoyed this short thing.

- NIJI